The Columns – February 2016


What does your wife really want from you this Valentines Day? Truth is, she wants three things from you throughout the year: to be cherished, to be known, and to be respected. According to Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott, these are your wife’s most basic needs. Of course, these are broad strokes of the brush, and everyone is unique in their personality makeup. However, I think you will see the value of offering these relational gifts.

Cherish your wife. Make sure she is your priority in life. They consume much of your thought life, energy, and emotions. Remember when you first dated? She was the only one on your mind. You couldn’t wait to see her again. You would talk for hours, and never get tired of being together. It is too easy to take one another for granted once you are married and life gets busy, but take time to cherish your wife. Write her a note. Call her in the middle of the day to let her know you are thinking about her. Above all, tell her you love her every day, and say it with everything that is within you. She will know she is a priority in your life if you do these things.

Make sure you know and validate your wife, what she is thinking and feeling about your marriage, family, friends, and work. That doesn’t mean that you have to say she is always right, but that you understand why she would think and feel as she does. I remember reading a novel in bed. The first 250 pages were from the man’s perspective when it abruptly switched to the wife’s voice. They had lived together for years, but saw their relationship from very different perspectives. He was content that he married the woman he wanted. She had married him to escape her family, and was far less than happy with their life together. It was like someone threw a bucket of ice water on me! I sat bolt up, looked at Mary Kay, and said, ‘I don’t know you at all. Tell me everything you are thinking and feeling about our marriage!’ How well do you know the internal world of your wife? Set time aside to ask her about the difficulties she faces, her feelings, and hopes. Listen for what is said between the lines, her tone and feelings. Don’t try to problem solve. What she really wants is for you to know her inner world, and to validate it.

Finally, respect your wife. We usually think of the man needing to be respected. When you show respect for someone, they feel like they are a true partner, an equal. The Parrots write, ‘Honor her needs, wishes, values, and rights.’ Honor is a powerful word. How do you honor who she is? The old customs of courtesy are a great start. Making sure that you include her in decision making. Even if you have divided up some household duties, seek her opinions and input as part of your decision making process. Help her accomplish her aspirations. Everyone has goals in life. It would be a grave mistake to think that the only goal your wife has in life is to meet your goals. Talk about your future dreams and seek to fulfill ‘his dreams’, ‘her dreams’, and ‘our dreams’.

This Valentines Day strive to incorporate habits that demonstrate you cherish, know, and respect your wife. You will find life together is good and getting better all the time.

DR. JONATHAN BECK • Executive Pastor •

Pig Roast “Eggs”travaganza • March 13, 2016 • 11:00AM • Rice Family Farm
Sporting Clays Tournament • August 28, 2016

ONGOING STUDIES (Drop-ins are always welcome!)
Tuesdays • Noon • Courtyard Kitchen • Led by Goeff Westmoreland
Wednesdays • 6:45AM • Courtyard Kitchen • Led by Dr. Jonathan Beck
Thursdays • Noon • Courtyard Kitchen • Led by Dr. Jonathan Beck
Fridays • Noon • Progressive Bank, Fern Ave. • Led by Chris Rea

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